وَأَلْقَوْاْ إِلَى اللَّهِ يَوْمَئِذٍ السَّلَمَ وَضَلَّ عَنْهُم مَّا كَانُواْ يَفْتَرُونَ
And they will offer (their full) submission to Allah on that Day, and what they falsely invented will wander away from them.
Control. It is what I have lived my life with. I controlled what I wore, what I ate, what I said, when I took a breath... I believed that everything you think, say, and do is a choice. If I did not have control I felt powerless. And without power I felt vulnerable. Yes, again, the vulnerability.
I have trust issues. With so much disappointment in my life, so much pain and suffering, I became numb to that which was happening around me. I didn't let anyone in and I didn't feel anything but security I made for myself because I learned I could rely on no one.
I always thought of surrender as a type of defeat. Never Surrender! Something I told myself over and over again. But surrender is not defeat when we give our lives to Allah. It is more like victory. By putting full faith in Allah we are paving our way to Jannah.
وَيَرْزُقْهُ مِنْ حَيْثُ لَا يَحْتَسِبُ وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ
فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بَالِغُ أَمْرِهِ قَدْ جَعَلَ اللَّهُ
لِكُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدْرًا
And will provide for him from (a quarter) whence he hath no expectation. And whosoever putteth his trust in Allah, He will suffice him. Lo! Allah bringeth His command to pass. Allah hath set a measure for all things.
at-Talaq 65:3
I accept that I do not have control. I accept Allah controls my life. This does not mean I sit by and let life pass me by, but when something happens I will pray for guidance, push forward, and accept that even though I may not like what has happened, it is not vulnerability but security, for Allah knows best.
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