Falling in Love

Falling in love with you was like coming to a place I didn't realize I'd been missing all my life. You're the only person I've ever known who accepts me for who I am, right now in this moment, faults and all, and isn't waiting for me to become someone else.

Jealousy

I'm sorry if I get jealous sometimes and overreact...

Its only because there is a bigger chance of me losing  you than of you losing me.

Walking in the Rain

Regret

I've learned that I should never regret anything.  Roll with the punches.  After years of disappointment I put up so many walls to keep people out I became cold and heartless.  Any time someone got close to my heart I felt the vulnerability and put up another wall, pushing them away. 

You are the first person who has been brave enough to not just stand idly on the other side of the wall.  You didn't just climb over it.  You are the only person who has ever tried to tear those walls down-and you've succeeded.  That's what scares me the most.  Without my walls I feel vulnerable.

I don't want to push you away.  I don't want to keep you out.  You are my everything.  But for some reason I am still fighting my insecurities even though I know you would never hurt me.  I know it from the deepest place in my heart.  Why I said what I said I don't know.  I don't believe it for a second.  And I don't know how to make you understand what I feel inside. 

I've never regretted anything in my life.  Until now.  I regret saying what I said because it hurt you. Hurting you has caused a pain I can't bare, its an emptiness, and I feel like I can barely breath.  I love you so much.  Can you forgive me again?  I didn't mean to hurt you.  I saw the words after I typed them and I felt like I would die.  I hurts so much to know that I hurt you.  I feel like you're silently broken and I have created this.  So, please baby, stay with me, look into my eyes, and see I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.

“I know nothing - nothing in the world - of the hearts of men. I only know that I am alone - horribly alone.”-Ford Madox Ford

Perception of Time

Moving to Dearborn sounded so romantic.  Just leaving bad thing in my life behind and staring over again.  Getting to start new.  But it has dawned on my that by being slightly introverted and moving to an area where I know ONE person can be lonely.  Its not like there is a place for a 30 year old Muslimah to hang out. 

Top that off with being in love with the most wonderful man... Who lives 6000+ miles away and having to wait the next 26 days before I can leave and marry him.  It feels so incredibly lonely. 

Leaving a place where I was the only Muslim amongst my christian friends and feeling alone to moving to a place where I am surrounded by Muslims but having absolutely no connection to anyone here is complete irony. 

What holds me together is the fact that I know time does progress.  No matter how fast or slow we perceive time it moves at a constant pace and always has.  It is occupying ones mind with thoughts other than the waiting and loneliness that give us the perception that time is actually moving faster.

So, instead of sitting here thinking about how lonely I am without him... It's time to motivate and make something of my life.

I am a hopeless romantic

I really just want to cuddle with you.  I want you to trace shapes with your fingers on my back sending shivers up my spine.  I want you to wrap your arms around my waist and hold me close to you, protecting me. I want to feel your warmth as I am wrapped up in your arms.  I want to fall asleep while listening to your heartbeat and right before I slip into sleep I want you to whisper 'I love you' into my ear so I can go to sleep with a smile on my face.